Daily smile thread

[Lee337]

Was called in to my doctors surgery following a blood test last week.

He told me I had to sdtop drinking.

It's gonna be a tough change to get used to, I've been with the same doctor for 15 years.   

[blacktiger]

My GP is a lovely looking woman with big tits. Anyway, I went to see her the other day with sore testicles. As she held my testicles, she said; "you must stop wanking." I said why? She said; "because I'm trying to examine you!!!"

[Lee337]

First day back in the office today. I got there early, stepped in to the lift & just as the door was about to close, this rather large busty woman got in. Now I'm not usually one to stare but they were rather large. 

Anyway, she noticed me staring and said 'would you please just press one?'

so I did.

I don't think I'll be going in to the office again for a while - at least until I'm released from hospital anyway.

[Sin_Tiger]

I knew something was missing in my life 

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

.

[Nick Calne]

Ha!

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

My wife was complaining that nobody ever phoned her, so I put a "How's my driving?" sticker on her car.

The phone hasn't stopped ringing since

[Lee337]

I saw someone waving but wasn't sure if they were waving at me or someone behind me.

Anyway, in other news... I lost my job as a lifeguard!

[Lee337]

My wife & I share all the household jobs so we both do equal work.

For example, I load the dishwasher, then she reloads the dishwasher 'the right way'!

[Lee337]

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a person within 5 minutes.

Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

[Sin_Tiger]

We attended a cremation the other day, not many people of course, very quiet affair.

Then someone's phone started ringing, which might have been just a minor embarrassment or disrespectful at worst but ....

The unfortunate owner had selected the ringtone as "Dontcha wish your Girlfriend was Hot like me" 

[Sin_Tiger]

We had a new delivery driver knock on the door the other day who offered a box saying "I've a parcel for your next door neighbour" too lazy to go up the drive to the farm 

He didn't look so smug when I responded "Well you've come to the wrong address then" and closed the door.