'Tis My Rucky Day!

[Bixxer Bob]

Absolutely masterful use of subtext Stretch.

But - given the no nudity stance of this site (which I heartly concur) - how you gonna post the pic of her ass if she comes across? :roll:

[Stretch]

Due to the religious nature of my request (ensuring she's physiologically suitable for the natural birthing of many, many young 'uns to be brought up under the auspices of the Nuwaubian Nation of Moors), I'll make sure that it's nothing that would offend my Spritual Advisor's tender sensibilities.  Underwear or bikini bottoms would be fine.  I wouldn't want the fine virgin lass to expose her naughty bits to you heathens.

[matttys]

This is hillarious - thanks for giving those folks what they have coming to them.

[coachgeo]

The whole idea of getting her, him, it, to do an ass shot is not they way to go IMHO.  Mainly cause it's to easy to search the net and find an ass shot and send it to you.

You got to choose a landmark, or a paricular set up scene that is out of the ordinary or something like that.  More specifically a pose that has to be done infront of said landmark or in the prescribed scene to prevent them from finding a generic net photo to cover the asked for shot.

Now granted the idea is to get them to make a fool of themselves.. so choose a good pose in the scene or infront of said land mark LOL.

[Stretch]

The whole idea of getting her, him, it, to do an ass shot is not they way to go IMHO.  Mainly cause it's to easy to search the net and find an ass shot and send it to you.

You got to choose a landmark, or a paricular set up scene that is out of the ordinary or something like that.  More specifically a pose that has to be done infront of said landmark or in the prescribed scene to prevent them from finding a generic net photo to cover the asked for shot.

Now granted the idea is to get them to make a fool of themselves.. so choose a good pose in the scene or infront of said land mark LOL.

I'm way ahead of you, believe me.

[REGULATOR]

too funny...

   the Steve Mc Queen reference was a nice touch...



  Of course I think maybe sending her a photo could be funny as well

[Stretch]

Anybody catch the Blues Brothers reference?  Harvey's address?


As for photos, I was thinking about cropping out the text on this one...



But I'm going to stick with being a poor, militant religious convert, pining for the Mother Land and his lovely princess.  He checks his e-mail on the computer in the movie theater office when nobody's looking, and doesn't have a camera.  If she tries to verify his employment at the theater (which really exists), I'll say I was fired for some reason to be invented at the time, and that I now have to check my email on one of the public computers at the library.



As for Harvey's faith, The Nuwaubian Nation of Moors was a religious cult that was big around here about ten years ago.  All their buildings had an Egyptian flair, and they claimed to be lost kings of Africa or some shit.  


The leader, Malachi York, was sentenced to 125 years for tax evasion, fraud, child molestation, statutory rape, and a host of other charges.  Their elaborate Egyptian-style compound in Eatonton, Georgia was sold at a government auction, and was since bulldozed by the new owner.  The land is now a privately-owned cattle ranch.  I still hear of converts making noise in the prisons around here, trying to get the group going again.

Salam alaikum, my brothers.

[Stretch]

The latest:



Dear Harvey,
 
Thanks for sending me your information.
 
The reason why I ask you to be my trustee is that when I arrived here, I went to clear the money from the bank but the Director, told me that as a refugee, my status is not authorized by the local law to clear the money or make transfer of the money to an account. He told me that the only way out is that I will appoint a trustee who will stand for me and clear the money. I wanted to discuss this matter with my step mother but I am afraid that she will not allow me access to the money if she helped me because after the death of my father, my step mother arranged with my uncle without my knowledge and claim all my father's assets and went as far as selling my father's five star hotel in Monaco and left me with nothing. When I discovered and confronted them, they told me that according to the custom of our land a single girl does not share the inheritance of a deceased because she will get married and belong to another family where she will answer her husband name. For such reason, she will lay claim  to her husband assets when he died. I felt bitterly about the crazy tradition and custom including the arrogant words  which my uncle has been using to abuse me. I realize also that they are not wishing me good at all to survive the pain especially my uncle have seized my traveling documents and does not want me to become useful in life. I think about everything I am passing through and decide to reveal myself to you and seek your help for transferring the money to your account so that you will help me for the investment and I will relocate and live with you forever. This money matters a lot for me because is the only inheritance from my father. I  want peace, unity and harmony to settle  in life and  have rest of mind so that I will forget and stop thinking so much about my late father and my beloved mother of blessed memory.
 
Therefore, I want you to contact the bank as my trustee and ask them to transfer the money into your account for investment while I will be coming to live with you soon after the money have been transferred to your account. You will  send me some amount to process my traveling documents.
 
Below is the contact of the Bank :
 
Banque Régionale de Solidarité
Avenue du Dr. Kwamé N'Krumah, Ouagadougou
01 PB 1305 Ouagadougou 01
Telephone (+226) 50 47 50 29/ 49 60 0005
Ouagadougou- Burkina Faso
A/c no.000047178206
Sort code: 35 53 35
Amount: 8.5 Millions USD
Beneficiary: Mr Mohamed Atif
Next of kin: Miss Sonia Mohamed Atif      
 
The contact  person is Marcel Faye Swadogo. Director of Operations and Foreign Remittance. You can reach him on the telephone number (+226) 50476029.   Email is: marcel.brsdg@bancarios.com
 
Thanks and hope to hear from you soon. Please keep this transaction top secret and confidential.
 
Yours truly,
Miss Sonia..












Notice how it's "Miss Sonia" now.  I might be a bit un-nerving, and she's trying to distance herself.  Time to go for broke...




Lovely Sonia,

I'm so glad to hear from you.  It's torture to have to wait all day to read your letters to me, as I check my email on the computer in the office here at work.  I'm not supposed to use this computer because the manager says the machine picked up a virus, and when he had it fixed, the repairman found a bunch of pornography downloaded into the computer.  Maybe I can use one of the public computers at the library.

I have an account at the Bank of America branch on State Street, so let's get this rolling.  I need you.

My spiritual advisor, S. Tretch Roolz, is most happy for me that I've finally found my true love, but he is concerned about compatibility.  I'm glad he mentioned this, because I hadn't even thought of it, but his responsibilities include overseeing the spreading of God's word through increasing the population of the Congregation.  One way for the Nuwaubian Nation of Moors to gain strength is for the married members to have large families.  I want to have many, many children, but Reverend Roolz is concerned that you may not be able to have lots of children.

He is most gifted in perceiving these things, but he is not able to accurately judge your body type from the pictures you provided me.  He asks that you send me a picture of your bottom.  I know it sounds strange, but I assure you he has only the most honorable of intentions.  He directed me to ask for a picture of your bottom wearing underwear, or a swimsuit, and in order to ensure that the photo is of you, and not just some unknown girl on the internet, that you  hold a sign under your bottom that says S Tretch Roolz, in honor of my spiritual advisor, and to identify yourself as one of the Chosen.

Thank you so much for fulfilling this strange request.  I can't wait until you come to America and we can share our lives together and start our family.

Love, Harvey

[REGULATOR]

Oh I caught the Blues brother reference..


the S tretch Rools is freaking great!!!

[Stretch]

Awesome!

[aeronca]

S.Tretch Roolz          

[HappyMan]

Ohhhhhh, Mr. Roolz!  You're killin' me here.      

[Stretch]

Dear Harvey,
 
I have received your mail.
 
As you know very well that I am an African origin as I can have as many children as God gives us that is not a problem to me. If you trusted me as trusted in you, you should go ahead and contact the bank as my trustee with the information I have provided to you including a copy of the authorization letter I sent to you and ask the bank to transfer the money into your bank account in the united states for investment project. I want to come and join you in the United Staes and spend the rest of my life with you as husband and wife. But distrusting me with the trust and believe I have in you is unjust.
 
I don't like you giving me condition and option in my inheritance which I am intrusting in you. If you do not trust me please do let me know so that we can terminate and I will found another person who will assist me transfer the money into his/her bank account for investment project.
 
God bless you and I hope to hear from you soon.
 
Yours truly
Sonia


---------


Dearest Sonia,

I so look forward to your letters.  I can hardly wait until the miles between us fade to nothing, and you can be by my side.  I printed the authorization letter at the library yesterday afternoon on my way to work, but by that time the bank there in Africa had closed.  The librarian told me that there is a six hour time difference between Chicago and Burkina Faso.

But there remains the problem with my spiritual advisor giving his blessing to our union.  He is quite adamant that in order to obey the fatwah of The Master Teacher Malachi Z. York, he, S Tretch Roolz, must first examine the hips and, well you know, of all women who seek to enter the Nuwaubian Nation of Moors.  Ordinarily, Reverend Roolz insists on performing this examination personally, but due to our circumstances and the extreme distance between you and I, he is willing to make a very rare exception, and examine a photograph of your bottom.  It's only a photo, and Reverend Roolz insists that it will only be viewed by himself.

The photo should zoom in close enough for him to see on his computer (he wears very thick eyeglasses), and you must be sure to include the sign with his name, S Tretch Roolz, to prove that the photo is not of some girl taken from the internet.

Here is a poem I wrote for you.  I've been trying to put it to music so I can sing it to you when I meet you at the airport...

Why do you love me?
Why do you need me?
Always and forever

We met in a chat room
Where love can fully bloom
Sure the World Wide Web is great
But you, you make me salivate.

Yes I love technology
But not as much as you, you see
But I still love technology
Always and forever

Our love is like a flock of doves
Flying up to heav'n above
Always and forever
Always and forever

Yes, your love is truly great
Always and forever

Why do you need me?
Why do you love me?



All my love,
Harvey.




----

This is Harvey's love poem, by the way... Kip's love song in the wedding scene at the end of Napoleon Dynamite...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzVJqC8mdrg

[jsingraham]

So after seeing the movie Hangover tonight and coming back and reading up on this thread, my stomach is hurting from laughing!

Jason

[aeronca]

holy crap, i think i just wet myself