TigerTriple.com

Talk => General Discussions => Topic started by: Bixxer Bob on June 04, 2011, 08:02:21 PM

Title: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on June 04, 2011, 08:02:21 PM
I've been a follower of AXmen on Discovery Channel for a while (I know, I know ,but the are entertaining characters...) so this made me smile:

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/commandos.jpg)

Then I dug a bit deeper... you've probably seen most of these before, but I thought they worth posting anyway:

First why we do what we do...

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/Work.jpg)

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/pic18467.jpg)

Nobody mentions the ford...ok? :evil:

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/pic06334.jpg)

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/pic02995.jpg)

Then some off the wall stuff:

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/party.jpg)

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/inspace.jpg)

Animals, you gotta love em....

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/WTFisthat.jpg)

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/Retards.jpg)

And last but not least:

(http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c273/BixxerBob/badday.jpg)
Title:
Post by: John Stenhouse on June 05, 2011, 12:34:47 AM
The last three are ace
Title:
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on June 06, 2011, 12:01:46 AM
You cant beat a bit of animal humour.
http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw (http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw&feature=youtu.be
Title:
Post by: NKL on June 06, 2011, 02:16:29 PM
That is brilliant
Title:
Post by: NeilD on June 06, 2011, 03:48:17 PM
and you can make your own here..  :D

http://diy.despair.com/ (http://diy.despair.com/)

(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3296/5804501558_0c9a71511b_z.jpg) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/22730494@N06/5804501558/)
tiger (http://www.flickr.com/photos/22730494@N06/5804501558/) by GUZZINEIL (http://www.flickr.com/people/22730494@N06/), on Flickr
Title:
Post by: Bixxer Bob on June 07, 2011, 12:04:52 AM
Nice one Neil, and oh so true..... :lol:
Title:
Post by: MtheTiger on June 07, 2011, 12:35:57 AM
the ultimate dog tease is the best one I saw for years...It even was mentioned on the telly here @ the best viewed talkshow DWDD....
Title:
Post by: daveb on June 10, 2011, 12:41:31 PM
My new wig arrived the other day. It's made of arsehole hair. The bloody thing keeps blowing off.
Title:
Post by: aeronca on June 10, 2011, 12:57:27 PM
now this is funny

(http://www.tinygif.com/data/media/9/annoy_the_dog.gif) (http://www.tinygif.com)
//
Title:
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on June 20, 2011, 12:46:33 AM
But not as funny as this!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EV ... dium#t=125 (http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EVwlMVYqMu4&vq=medium#t=125)
Title:
Post by: aeronca on June 20, 2011, 07:50:57 AM
your right :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
Title:
Post by: Mustang on June 24, 2011, 04:26:04 PM
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee47/2uoykcuf/24374c1e372d0960d.jpg)
Title:
Post by: daveb on June 24, 2011, 05:05:37 PM
I am sorry these are terrible  :oops:



A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it...
I thought to myself, these buggers have lost the plot!!

I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said....
'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield.
3.1415927 dead

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her some bathroom scales.

Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby.
She asked if I'd like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
 
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
 
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
 
Husband says to wife 'My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I'll wear gold tonight'.
Wife says, 'Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change'.
 
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
Title:
Post by: Mustang on June 24, 2011, 06:56:49 PM
Quote from: "daveb"I am sorry these are terrible  :oops:


(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee47/2uoykcuf/emoticons/nod.gif)
Title:
Post by: PeteH on June 25, 2011, 12:37:46 AM
Quote from: "Mustang"(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee47/2uoykcuf/24374c1e372d0960d.jpg)

Probably due to the tractor dealer :lol:
Title:
Post by: PeteH on June 25, 2011, 12:39:09 AM
Some iccle gems in there daveb :lol:
Title:
Post by: KuzzinKenny on June 25, 2011, 01:45:25 AM
Abu Dhabi Do !!  :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser

i don't no many "correct" jokes  :roll:

i think this is ok  :wink:
..................................................


During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'.


KK
Title:
Post by: KuzzinKenny on July 07, 2011, 12:10:25 AM
Can somebody pass me the..........

http://www.speeding.co.uk/acatalog/Fukken_Wax.html#a3494

 :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser

KK
Title:
Post by: rybes on July 09, 2011, 09:08:03 PM
those dogs are funny :lol: cheers for that diy link. im now gunna get beaten up next time a few people see me :lol:
Title:
Post by: KuzzinKenny on September 05, 2011, 11:16:39 PM
GIRL'S DIARY

Sunday 11th May 2010

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.  I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.





-------------------------------------------------------------





BLOKES DIARY

Sunday 11th May 2010

Team got relegated today. Gutted. Got a shag though
..........................

 :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser

KK
Title:
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on September 08, 2011, 07:21:05 PM
I see IKEA have bought out a new flatpack bed for lesbians.
No screws, just tongue and groove...........
Title: New home wanted for Michael Jacksons Dog
Post by: Tigertriple on September 15, 2011, 12:36:31 PM
Likes Children

(http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc507/Tigertriple/Funnies/MichaelJacksonsdog.jpg)
Title: No offense to Australians intended
Post by: Tigertriple on September 15, 2011, 12:50:53 PM
(http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc507/Tigertriple/Funnies/Australians.jpg)
Title: Bronx Shopping Trip
Post by: Tigertriple on September 15, 2011, 12:52:46 PM
(http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc507/Tigertriple/Funnies/BronxShopping.jpg)
Title: The perfect Woman
Post by: Tigertriple on September 15, 2011, 12:55:22 PM
(http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc507/Tigertriple/Funnies/PerfectWoman.jpg)
Title:
Post by: Tigertriple on September 15, 2011, 01:03:20 PM
(http://i1215.photobucket.com/albums/cc507/Tigertriple/Funnies/DrShipman.jpg)
Title: ARMAGEDDON !!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: KuzzinKenny on December 04, 2011, 02:30:26 AM
Drat that last vids bin blocked !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyhoo i needed a larf an remembered this......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTrOb8zyrZk

 :lol:  :lol:

KK
Title:
Post by: Bixxer Bob on December 04, 2011, 10:03:49 PM
that's an old Darwin Award  story!

http://DarwinAwards.com/legends/legends1998-10.html (http://darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-10.html)

while we're on try this one....
note the men drinking beer theme

http://DarwinAwards.com/legends/legends1998-15.html (http://darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-15.html)
Title:
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on December 19, 2011, 11:17:56 AM
Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.
 
 
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers ....... so I did....
    she's 21 and her name's Lucy
 
 
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face
 
 

 
 
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of Swan Vesta's,
his little face lit up when he tried to walk..
   Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
 
 
   I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders.
   All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

 


   Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
 


   Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen,
   'what would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
   I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
   She replied, 'You're having soup you fat b**tard, I was talking to the cat!'
 
   Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch,
   so I've named him Birmingham .
 

   I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.
   I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
 
   Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'
   Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
Title:
Post by: zombie2 on December 19, 2011, 03:26:42 PM
Few funnies for monday..


My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
 


I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.    
 


The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death.    
 


Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.      
 
     


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "F*ck that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"      
 


Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!      
 


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"    
 


I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.      
 


Spent £40 on eBay last week for a p*nis enlarger. Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!      
 


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.    
 


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.      
 


What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.    
 


An old lady is being examined by the doctor. He asks have you ever been bedridden? She says 'yes, by my first husband.      
 


Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?    
 


A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.      
 


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening.      
 


Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.    
 


I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She said is that you or the beer talking ? I replied it's me talking to the beer.      
 


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.      
 


Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
Title:
Post by: Tigertriple on December 22, 2011, 09:13:59 AM
Quote from: zombie2Few funnies for monday..


My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
 


 :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser  some excellent jokes. Liked this one a lot.
Title:
Post by: KuzzinKenny on December 29, 2011, 01:37:36 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmwGFX5pgXw

 :lol:  :lol:

KK
Title:
Post by: Sin_Tiger on January 06, 2012, 01:41:34 AM
That's a smile  :shock: scarry  :lol:


I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.
 
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
 
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice claret.
 
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
 
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it from!
Title:
Post by: KuzzinKenny on January 06, 2012, 01:50:48 AM
:ImaPoser  :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser  :ImaPoser

Beer and claret  :shock: Yuk !!

KK
Title:
Post by: Bixxer Bob on February 02, 2012, 09:45:37 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndsivHfbxNY&feature=related
Title:
Post by: Bixxer Bob on February 17, 2012, 01:27:49 PM
When I posted this elsewhere it was going off-topic so I thought I'd put it here where it belongs.

Although  this is on You Tube and so meets someone's standards of decency, it's maybe not wife safe'  Its cartoon characters  extoling the merits of the internet and it's uses viewed from the male and female perspective in a song...

:roll:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWEjvCRPrCo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Fixed!
Title:
Post by: VM-BASIC on February 18, 2012, 03:38:04 AM
A police man knocked on my door late at night holding a photograph.

"Do you know this woman?" he asked,

"Yes" I said, thats my wife.

"She looks like she`s been in an accident" he says

"Yes I know" I replied, "But she`s a good cook and doesn`t nag "
Title:
Post by: VM-BASIC on February 18, 2012, 03:41:09 AM
My Mother in law was complaining that she didn`t have anything to wear.

"What about that black outfit you have in the back of the wardrobe? " I said,

"All it needs is ironing and the swastika`s taking off"
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 02, 2013, 06:25:22 PM
Thought I'd wake up this old thread.

Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 02, 2013, 06:40:59 PM
And this:  (there's another one on the previous page)
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on March 08, 2013, 06:13:29 PM
My brother just sent me this, :hat10
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 21, 2013, 06:41:20 PM
More.....
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Geoff W on March 21, 2013, 07:21:45 PM
The new Pope Francis decided to take the previous Pope Benedict out for a meal......Naturally he booked a table at Frankie & Bennies.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on March 22, 2013, 02:17:10 AM
 :qgaraduate
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on July 23, 2013, 01:48:21 PM
It never ceases to amaze me that people can be so unaware of the (painful) consequences of their actions. This clip contains several face / hard object clips and, at 18 minutes, needs a beer/coffee. Just don't spill it on your keyboard/tablet/phone.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujwod-vqyqA&feature=youtube_gdata_player (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ujwod-vqyqA&feature=youtube_gdata_player)




Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on July 23, 2013, 10:45:21 PM
My son just came home,said he'd just been sacked from his job down the chippy. I went down to ask the owner why. He said 'I caught him with the potato peeler up his arse...and I've sacked him too' :bug_eye                       
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on July 31, 2013, 04:42:19 PM
You have far too much time on your hands, shouldn't you be up on the roof or something :icon_study:
Title: ADD
Post by: Mustang on August 08, 2013, 05:25:36 PM
"Look a Chicken"

(http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs24/f/2007/329/d/1/OH_SHIT_by_CoolCoon.jpg)
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on August 13, 2013, 07:35:29 PM
On a similar theme.......

Title: Re: Humour
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on August 26, 2013, 02:45:28 PM
Also in Africa...
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on August 27, 2013, 12:30:35 PM
What time is it when an elephant sits on your Golf?







Time to get a new Golf!
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on August 27, 2013, 05:14:23 PM
Judging by the look on their faces, and the size of the appendage between his hind legs, I don't think it's sitting he has in mind......
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on September 01, 2013, 01:07:00 PM
That's a BIG Elephant! :icon_smile:
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on September 03, 2013, 05:26:21 PM
http://www.mandatory.com/2013/08/07/24-terribly-awesome-puns
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on October 15, 2013, 05:28:59 PM
The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer earlier,"just looking for cheap flights" I replied. She came over,flung her arms around me,told me she loved me,then gave me the best 'blow job' ever!  Strange  really,I didn't know she was interested in darts? :icon_wink:




Had a medical in work the other day. Doctor told me not to eat anything fatty. I said "like burgers or chips"? He said "no fatty,don't eat anything"! :icon_sad:
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: daveb on October 19, 2013, 09:05:17 PM
A big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments he announced "Bear". Then he felt the bullet hole and declared "Shot with a .308 rifle".

He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle".

Of course he was right again.

Throughout the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"

His wife angrily replied "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties, fiddled around a bit and loudly announced "Skunk, killed with an axe".
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on October 30, 2013, 07:12:24 PM
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=171463646390887

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=171461423057776&set=vb.305901075111&type=2&theater
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Mustang on December 06, 2013, 03:50:27 PM
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says :

"It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."

"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on December 06, 2013, 04:10:09 PM
Love it! I must be a grumpy old man, I see kids like that and wonder if I slapped them would they shut up?
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: ned37 on December 06, 2013, 05:03:30 PM
if you slapped them hard enough  :bug_eye
but then there's consequences  :nono
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: daveb on December 08, 2013, 10:29:11 PM
this made me laugh

http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/Man-puts-wife-Harley-motorcycle-sale-gives/story-20271890-detail/story.html
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on December 18, 2013, 07:27:30 PM
Mum, Dad and young son are at the zoo, looking at the elephants. Dad has wandered off so the son points to the elephant and asks his Mum, "What's that thing hanging down under the elephant?"

She replies, "It's his trunk, son." He shakes his head and says, "No, no.... what's that thing hanging down at the other end?"

She replies, "Oh, it's his tail, son." He shakes his head again and says, "NO, not his tail. What is that thing hanging down in front of his tail?"

She realises then what the boy is talking about, but is too embarassed to tell him, so she just shakes her head and says "Oh, it's nothing."

This does not satisfy the boy so he goes over to his Dad and asks the same question, and gets the same two answers. When he finally makes it clear what he is asking the Dad answers, "Oh, that's his penis, son. He is a boy elephant and like all boys he has one."

The boy replies, "Well, why did Mum say it was nothing then?"

Dad replies, "Oh, that's because she has been spoilt."


Sorry.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on February 18, 2014, 12:16:37 AM
Only 50 seconds, watch to the end......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQQvanCpC3Q (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQQvanCpC3Q)
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 08, 2014, 07:06:40 PM
Not a joke, but funny nevertheless, read this today:

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators......
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: motoOzarks on March 09, 2014, 04:00:57 AM
 :pottytrain2      :icon_study:         :nono
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on September 18, 2014, 01:53:05 PM
I couldn't wear this in public, but it made me smile.....


Title: Re: Humour
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on September 18, 2014, 07:06:16 PM
That is in terrible taste. I laughed out loud.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on September 19, 2014, 12:38:07 AM
Quote from: The Midnight Rambler on September 18, 2014, 07:06:16 PM
That is in terrible taste. I laughed out loud.

I know, I did think about it before sharing.  The company that prints it does a lot of stuff that's a bit iffy.  They're called "Shotdeadinthehead.com"
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Stitch on September 19, 2014, 05:53:51 AM
They have a several "gems". :thumbsup
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: The Midnight Rambler on September 19, 2014, 09:42:25 AM
For lovers of old bikes
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Barn-Find-amongst-Vincent-Brough-Superior-Norton-BSA-etc-/321525047161?pt=UK_Motorcycle_Parts&hash=item4adc62df79
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on September 19, 2014, 02:32:14 PM
Quote from: The Midnight Rambler on September 19, 2014, 09:42:25 AM
For lovers of old bikes
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Barn-Find-amongst-Vincent-Brough-Superior-Norton-BSA-etc-/321525047161?pt=UK_Motorcycle_Parts&hash=item4adc62df79
''could've been harvested by the great Mike Balewood''!!!! brilliant :thumbsup
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on September 21, 2014, 02:53:43 AM
Duct Tape

Contrary to popular opinion it is NOT good for fixing everything.
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar
He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out,
but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out,
and she agreed." 
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection
again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the
sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)


"I kicked her in the face."
.................................................

an oldie but a goody !!

:bad

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on November 09, 2014, 06:22:32 PM
This can't be real, can it ??

http://youtu.be/OtdUiWiu3wM

:ImaPoser  :icon_eek:  :ImaPoser

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on November 10, 2014, 12:07:28 AM
Love it!!!
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Mustang on November 10, 2014, 01:03:09 AM
 :^_^

Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on November 10, 2014, 02:43:15 AM
Oops  :icon_redface:

try this....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p013v436

or search for "world's craziest fools, fools news, taser cop

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on November 10, 2014, 05:40:18 AM
Sorry, two for two. We'll just have to imagine what goes on :augie
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on November 10, 2014, 02:04:38 PM
It's a BBC video so probably not viewable outside the UK.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Mustang on November 10, 2014, 02:23:07 PM
I get BBC on my TV by my cable tv service....................
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on November 10, 2014, 02:55:50 PM
And your cable service pays the BBC, that was from BBC 3 and it isn't usually available outside the UK, your IP address gives you away........there is according to my friends in Hong Kong a way round it, he did expain it to me but it went in one ear and out the other. Sorry
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on November 10, 2014, 07:33:40 PM
Obviously someone didn't think it was funny  :ImaPoser
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on November 10, 2014, 09:49:14 PM
Who me? I thought it was hilarious.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: rf9rider on November 11, 2014, 02:58:34 AM
Quote from: John Stenhouse on November 10, 2014, 02:55:50 PM
And your cable service pays the BBC, that was from BBC 3 and it isn't usually available outside the UK, your IP address gives you away........there is according to my friends in Hong Kong a way round it, he did expain it to me but it went in one ear and out the other. Sorry

A VPN is what you need, changes the ip address to whatever country you like.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on November 13, 2014, 12:44:41 AM
VPN? Whasssat?
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: rf9rider on November 13, 2014, 02:35:37 AM
Quote from: John Stenhouse on November 13, 2014, 12:44:41 AM
VPN? Whasssat?

A VPN is a Virtual Private Network. The best way to describe it is by comparing it to a normal network. In a normal network, you have two or more computers connected to each other by a physical device like a router.

With a VPN, the computers are connected via the Internet. That's the "virtual" part - there's no physical gear that you control linking the computers but the software running between the computers that are connected make it seem that the computers are connected to each other with a physical cable.

In a VPN, the communications between the two computers via the Internet would be unsecured and susceptible to anyone listening in. So, in a VPN the communications between the computers in encrypted in such a away that only the computers on either end of the virtual connection can understand the communication. That's the "private" part.

So using a VPN can make you`re computer look like it`s being used in another location/country.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on November 13, 2014, 05:34:30 AM
Quote from: rf9rider on November 13, 2014, 02:35:37 AM
A VPN is a Virtual Private Network.................... virtual connection can understand the communication. That's the "private" part.

So using a VPN can make you`re computer look like it`s being used in another location/country.

A far, far cry from the two baked bean tins and a length of string that we used to use to communicate between friends in the early '60s.

That's my attempt at 'humour' and getting this thread back on track  :icon_confused:
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on August 15, 2015, 11:06:30 PM
Been thinkin about gettin a roofbox for me van but after seein this  :bug_eye

i might not bother  :ImaPoser :ImaPoser :ImaPoser :ImaPoser

KK

Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Nick Calne on August 16, 2015, 10:27:23 AM
Fixed it Nick

http://youtu.be/_RW_fIWuG2c
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on August 16, 2015, 06:11:41 PM
Monkey in the trunk..... (that's boot to us Anglo-types)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV-XEiUOjYE
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Geoff W on August 18, 2015, 07:35:10 PM
Genius advertising! So much better then F*****G Meerkats.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on August 19, 2015, 06:52:51 PM
I just had to share this with someone... not a joke but funny all the same.

I have two disabled granddaughters, one of which, Lexie, is in a wheelchair, but as bright as a button. they are both nearly four.  My daughter had them with her at the shops today and Lexie spotted a woman that caught her attention for some reason and said in a very loud voice "Hello lady".  the lady looked, saw the wheelchair and quickly looked away, but Lexie doesn't give up easily.  In and even louder voice she said, "Hey.....Lady....   I said HELLO!!!"

Everyone around laughed except the subject  :bad


She'll do alright, that one.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on August 22, 2015, 01:15:14 AM
A fellow Range anorak just told me about a homemade security sign he noticed in the back window of an old Defender at a recent meet up.

"NO OIL IS KEPT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT"
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: threepot on August 22, 2015, 01:34:24 AM
Or the sign on the back that says.....'honk if anything falls off'
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on August 22, 2015, 11:40:13 AM
Or the ones seen in our daft french cars:

No Cheese or Baguettes left in this vehicle overnight
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: JayDub on August 22, 2015, 09:57:55 PM
I liked my 'scrappage scheme survivor' sticker on my old XJ rat.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: John Stenhouse on August 23, 2015, 12:03:41 AM
Quote from: JayDub on August 22, 2015, 09:57:55 PM
I liked my 'scrappage scheme survivor' sticker on my old XJ rat.


Wish there had been a few more
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on March 07, 2016, 12:01:33 PM
Keep the shed locked  :nod
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 07, 2016, 01:01:19 PM
The chap I spanner for bought a ZXR400 to run at Geddine (actually it might have been a 600, memory fading etc...)  last year and still hasn't told his wife.  She keeps asking when his mate Andy is picking his bike up..... :augie
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: JoeDirt on March 07, 2016, 01:04:48 PM
Quote from: Bixxer Bob on March 07, 2016, 01:01:19 PM
The chap I spanner for bought a ZXR400 to run at Geddine (actually it might have been a 600, memory fading etc...)  last year and still hasn't told his wife.  She keeps asking when his mate Andy is picking his bike up..... :augie

Is Andy his imaginary friend or a chap named denial?
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Bixxer Bob on March 07, 2016, 01:05:55 PM
He's another of the race team  :icon_wink:
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on March 10, 2016, 03:10:31 AM
Don't get my started on this guy  :kboom

http://www.huntjeremy.co.uk

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on March 17, 2016, 01:45:35 AM
Seeing this: :cp reminds me of the story about the policeman on intersection observation duty here. He watched a driver roll through the intersection instead of stopping as instructed by the very visible STOP sign.

So he pulled the driver over and asked why he had not stopped. The driver replied "Well at least I slowed down." The policeman, wishing to elucidate the traffic law asked the driver to get out of the car, and proceeded to smack him on the head with his truncheon.

"Ow, ow, ow... stop, stop, STOP", said the car driver.

To which the policemen replied, "Would you like me to stop or just slow down?"
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on March 17, 2016, 02:46:15 AM
Ya canny wack a gid cat video  :ImaPoser

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8_XgTDmkXE

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on March 29, 2016, 09:14:01 PM
Say no more.
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: KuzzinKenny on March 30, 2016, 02:09:58 AM
Priceless !!  :ImaPoser :ImaPoser :ImaPoser :ImaPoser

KK
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: nickjtc on March 30, 2016, 07:16:10 AM
That's what I thought...... but why royalty would be interested in US politics escapes me, since they kind of relinquished interest circa 1776 and the next few years. :icon_wink: :icon_wink:
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: Sin_Tiger on March 30, 2016, 11:13:27 AM
Quote from: nickjtc on March 30, 2016, 07:16:10 AM
That's what I thought...... but why royalty would be interested in US politics escapes me, since they kind of relinquished interest circa 1776 and the next few years. :icon_wink: :icon_wink:

Not interested, but she'd have to be polite  :cp
Title: Re: Humour
Post by: mat-tiger1 on April 01, 2016, 07:05:20 PM
Adventure Bike Rider
HELP NEEDED: This morning at 8:52 the ABR offices were targeted in a bike theft. Police have been notified but we need your help too. So if you recognise this man please let us know, the bike is very dear to us.

Please share so we can find this thief!

https://www.facebook.com/adventurebikerider/videos/1179072912104468/
EhPortal 1.34 © 2025, WebDev