Daily smile thread

[London_Phil]

I bought a Saab from Neil Diamond on eBay.
User name "Swede car online"

[London_Phil]

In the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full.

The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."

I just spotted that the special OBD cable I just received today, to allow me to clone and tune my Saab, was from Phoenix, which prompted my lame Saab joke...It's a saab saab story...

[Sin_Tiger]

I bought a Saab from Neil Diamond on eBay.
User name "Swede car online"

 

[Lee337]

We got snow   

[Lee337]

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[Madruss]

I just spotted that the special OBD cable I just received today, to allow me to clone and tune my Saab, was from Phoenix, which prompted my lame Saab joke...It's a saab saab story...

That's a good one 

[Madruss]

In the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full.

The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."

I read this to my wife & she laughed (which she doesn't do often) 

[ghulst]

A lady was having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas and she was down to her last $50.

Exasperated, she exclaimed, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her suggested, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" and walked away.

Moments later, his attention was grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. "Maybe she won!" he thought. Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd he found the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man was stunned. He asked, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replied, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29 and 47 came up. Then she just fainted!"

[Lee337]

A little six year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.

The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book.

But about every ten seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while..."

Billy says, "I'm fine, Mommy...i just haven't gone 'doody' yet."

Mother says, " Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy says, " Works for ketchup."

[Madruss]

  

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

A man staggers, ashen-faced, into a roadside bar, demanding a large brandy. The barman is concerned.

"Well" says the man, "I was just driving along and my BMW suddenly gave up the ghost! So I cruised into the layby just along the road here, and opened the bonnet. But I have no idea how these modern cars work! I was about to call the Automobile Association when I saw two horses come up to the fence and peer at the engine. And one of them actually spoke! Clear as day! Couldn't believe my ears!"

"Oh, yes – what did it say?"

"Well, this is the extraordinary thing – it told me to press down on some bit of plastic until I heard a click. So I did that – and then this horse told me to try the engine – and it started immediately!"

"Ah," said the barman. "And tell me, what colour was this horse?"

"Colour? Colour? What do you mean colour? The damn' thing spoke to me, clear as day! But, it was a brown horse!"

"Thought so," says the barman, polishing the next batch of glasses.

"Thought so? Didn't you hear what I'm saying? This horse damn well spoke to me!"

"Well", says the barman, "I thought it would be her. The white one knows nothing about BMW ignition systems!"

[Lee337]

Was travelling down to Devon today & stopped at a service station for a coffee

Walked on to Starbucks & ordered a latte.as usual the young girl behind the counter asked my name. Don't know why but I told her my name was Cof.

A few minutes later the shout went out 'latte for cof'.

I'm not sure she worked out why half the customers were laughing.

[Madruss]

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Well that's fairly true 

[Lee337]

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