Daily smile thread

[Lee337]

Bought the wife a Pug dog yesterday.

Despite the squashed nose, the bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

[Lee337]

When one door closes, another one opens.




Other than that, it's a good car.

[Lee337]

I've just rung the council to ask if I could have permission to have a skip outside the house.

She said go for it fatty, you could do with the exercise!

[Lee337]

.
You cannot see attachments on this board.

[Lee337]

Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day.

Teach a man to fish & he'll begin to understand why some people think golf is exciting.

[Lee337]

My girlfriend said to me the other day,

"What was it that first attracted you to me?"

"Was it my eyes?"

I said,

"No - not that"

So she asked me,

"Was it my smile then?"

Again I said,

"No - it wasn't that either...

Then - getting a little irate she asked,

"Well was it my legs or my figure then?"

Once again I had to say,

"No - not that either..."

Even more annoyed by this she said loudly,

"Oh I give in..."

So I said,

"Yes that was it!

[Lee337]

I recently decided to join a nudist colony.

The first few days were the hardest.

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

When Spiderman shoots a sticky substance all over someone, he's "amazing" but when I do it, I'm a pervert!

[Lee337]

I was so drunk at the weekend, what with all the Platinum Jubilee celebrations, and the festival in the local town.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs., I took off my shoes,coat, shirt trousers and underwear. I crept very quietly upstairs...

It was only when I got to the top of teh stairs, I realised I was on a fu**ing bus!!

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

.

[Lee337]

.

[ghulst]

A boy read a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free French fries. 

"Sounds great," said the health-conscious boy. He ordered some. 

He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them into the container. 

"Wait a minute," the boy said. "Those don't look fat-free." 

"Sure they are," the cook said. "We charge only for the potatoes. The fat is free."