Daily smile thread

[Lee337]

Proof that time is relative.

How long 'just a minute' is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[blacktiger]

Ivor's back at work then. 

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

My boss has just appointed me as his sexual adviser.
He said, "When I want your fucking advice, I'll ask for it."

I saw a Korean martial artist holding out a basket of donuts.
When I asked to take 2, he said no.
I replied "can I at least Taekwondo?"

Make expensive branded bottled water last longer, by topping it up with tap water!!

When I was at school I was convinced my maths teacher fancied me .
She would put a kiss after every one of my sums

My friend has opened up an ice rink charging just 10p a go .
..... what a cheap skate !

Just dropped my phone in mayonnaise.
Bloody hellman!

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics descended into chaos when someone shouted, 'He's behind you!'

I went for a self-defence class the other night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me."
So, when I saw him in Sainsbury's the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head!

[Lee337]

We don't know how lucky we are to have the jobs we have. I had a bloke decorating my house for the last three days. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a pilot for Virgin on Furlough. He is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing

[Lee337]

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[Sin_Tiger]

BAF

[Lee337]

Don't you just hate it when you offer a sincere compliment on someone's moustache,

and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. 

[ghulst]