Daily smile thread

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

Just been down to the gym, they've got a new machine in.

Only used for half an hour as I started to feel sick.

It's great though, it does everyting - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, crisps, the lot.

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

More!




Probably not the best 'Safe Word' to use   

[Lee337]

Bought this great book a few months ago, "How to scam people on-line".

Still hasn't arrived yet!

[Lee337]

As i get older, I find I only need three shops, Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.

My life is just specs and drugs and sausage rolls!

[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

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[Lee337]

It's been an unusual day, first my ex gets run over by a bus, then I lose my job as a bus driver!

[Lee337]

Grandkids keep finding the Christmas presents I have hidden around the house.

Neighbour suggested I put them up in the loft, so I did.

Last night I literally had no sleep. All I could hear was them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let back down. Any other suggestions?

[Lee337]

Can't believe this, 363 days to Christmas & there's idiots out there with Xmas lights up already 

[Lee337]

I was on the net the other day and my wife walks in and asks what am I doing, I said I was looking at flights.

Overcome with joy and emotion, she shouted "thank you darling" and dragged me into the bedroom for passionate sex. As I lay there afterwards, I thought funny, she`s never shown an interest in darts before.

[Lee337]

My mum's dog eats anything if you don't watch him.

last week he ran off with the xmas tree lights when we turned our back for less than 10 seconds. When we eventually caught him he'd eaten them. So off to the vets we went again.

You should have seen his little face light up when the vet said he'd be ok.

[Lee337]

Don't know what the world's comming to, 360 days until Christmas & some idiots in my road have their Xmas lights up already.

[Lee337]

I refuse to put on winter tyres because:
• It's my car, my choice, my freedom.
• The effectiveness of winter tyres is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (like I'm supposed to trust them).
• My neighbour Bob had an accident even after putting on winter tyres.
• Some drivers are already on their 3rd set of tyres, which proves their ineffectiveness.
• We do not know what the tyres are made of.
• The tyre manufacturers scare us with winter just to enrich themselves.
• I read on the internet that the tyre giants invented snow and spread it at night when you sleep.
• If I have winter tires, the government can track me in the snow.

Educate yourself, open your eyes, stop being sheep!

This year, I say no to winter tyres!